Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
