Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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