I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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