Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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