help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
