literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
