Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
