What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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