Welp...herpes.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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