I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
