Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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