i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
