My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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