it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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