sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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