I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
