I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
