If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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