i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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