my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
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She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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