I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
