When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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