just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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