Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
