I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
