Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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