I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
