I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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