Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
