Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
