I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
