I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
