College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.