She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
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We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.