My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
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The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill