You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
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I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.