like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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