I'm pants shitting drunk right now
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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