i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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