So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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