i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
