Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
