turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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