Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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