Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
