"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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