Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
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It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
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They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.