If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.