yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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