Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.