Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.