Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Is it because I queefed?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.