i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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