the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I will be naked everywhere
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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