Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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