He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize