Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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