This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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