I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
