i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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