I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
