I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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