things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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