He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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