Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
