His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
