apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
NoShamevember. You game?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
