i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
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I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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