I got chris browned last night
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
