his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
