I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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