when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
